An untitled story

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Star An untitled story

Post by fireflare77 on Fri Apr 11, 2008 11:06 pm

Prologue:
Heavy rain persisted through the night the only light visible was lightning that lit up the sky for the moon remained hidden behind the sunken clouds. This was usual weather for nights such as these, but tonight was far from usual, in fact, tonight was nothing near other nights. A lone figure stood planted on the edge of a balcony overlooking the city in which he ruled. His hands firmly grasped the stone edges of his favorite looking point and he silently watched as lights were extinguished all over the city. Nothing pleased the figure more than to gaze across the vast land and picture himself on the throne of it all.
His silence was unusual, and as eight soldiers rode from his gates and into the black night, his lips uttered no words. He said nothing of who they were, and he said nothing of their destination, straight to the heart of the city. As they passed away like ghosts into the rain, a smile crept across his lips and he raised he fist to the sky.
~
I remember it as clear as ever; the footsteps in the rain, the clanging of metal on metal, and the horrible sound of rain crackling as it entered an open flame. But worst of all, the thing that jogged my memory for the rest of my life, was the screams of my family as we were dragged from our home. I tried to run, I tried to hide, but as I slipped in the mud and fell to the ground, I knew it was too late.
I screamed as the soldiers wrenched my hair and forced me to my feet, and I said nothing as I felt the cold sting of a sword on my chest. Fear gripped me tightly as I watched in terror as my home burnt to ashes. The soldiers bound my brother hand and foot, and his scream reared higher than the rest as they dragged him off into the shadows. My mother wasn’t in sight, and as my boyish pale blue eyes searched for her in panic, I knew that is was all over.
Two soldiers held me tightly and I struggled to free myself, but as the soldier behind me drew his blade, I stopped struggling and held my breath. Just as he dragged the crude blade at my neck, I forced with all my strength to my right, sending the soldier’s blow across my lower neck all the way to my hip. Knowing that I wasn’t dead the soldier slashed at my stomach and side. Deep cuts lined my chest and back and I screamed out to the sky as I dropped my head. I could feel nothing, and my limbs went limp as I dropped to the ground in brutal pain. I could hear the footsteps of the soldiers retreating back to where they had come from, but it didn’t matter to me now, for all I could think about was my family, and the pain. Slowly, everything went black.

-------------------------------

I am holding the rest hostage untill further notice
Tell me what you think
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Star Re: An untitled story

Post by sparky12 on Fri Apr 11, 2008 11:12 pm

Nice. There were a few missing commas, I think. Gives off a vey mysterious feeling, which is good, so long as you explain stuff later. Kinda makes me think of the Holocaust.
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Star Re: An untitled story

Post by fireflare77 on Fri Apr 11, 2008 11:16 pm

This was supposed to come before it followed by a line break (~~~~~~~~~~)

Prologue:
Heavy rain persisted through the night and lightning was the only light that lit up the sky, for the moon remained hidden behind the sunken clouds. This was usual weather for nights such as these, but tonight was far from usual, in fact, tonight was nothing near other nights. A lone figure stood planted on the edge of a balcony overlooking the city in which he ruled. His hands firmly grasped the stone edges of his favorite looking point and he silently watched as lights were extinguished all over the city. Nothing pleased the figure more than to gaze across the vast land and picture himself on the throne of it all.
His silence was unusual, and as eight soldiers rode from his gates and into the black night, his lips uttered no words. He said nothing of who they were, and he said nothing of their destination, straight to the heart of the city. As they passed away like ghosts into the rain, a smile crept across his mouth and he raised he fist to the sky.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Star Re: An untitled story

Post by sparky12 on Fri Apr 11, 2008 11:18 pm

Okay, now the commas are where they're supposed to be.
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Star Re: An untitled story

Post by fireflare77 on Fri Apr 11, 2008 11:22 pm

This is chapter one. If it sounds a little weird with the eyes closing, you'll see why.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter 1: Dreams
The road was long and stretched further than any road I had ever seen before. Gravel and dust stretched all the way to the horizon, and possibly further, that much I could tell. How long I had been there, traveling that path, was beyond me, for minutes seemed like hours and hours seemed like minutes.
Presently, a figure appeared before me, walking on the right side of the road. He walked directly to me and as he passed, his shoulder brushed against mine. I turned to look at him, and my eyes immediately looked into his. Hate is what I found there, struggle and revenge showed me of the life that he lived, one filled with anger and pain. His face was somewhat familiar, but not enough for me to know his name. I turned to him and wanted to help him, comfort the pain he felt, show him that I cared, but no sound went from my mouth and the words just echoed in my head. Before I knew it, he was gone.
I turned to face forward again, but this time a woman appeared in front of me. Her facial expression was that of happiness and joy and she seamed to laugh as she neared closer to me. Just as the man before, her shoulder brushed mine and suddenly all her joy and laughter melted away to show that she was screaming on the inside. Hurt and terrible pain showed in her eyes, her story was that of terror and scars littered her mind. She tried to hide it inside, but it only made her worse.
One by one they passed me, showing me the hurt and pain that filled their hearts with sorrow. Their eyes showed me their lives and the torment that they had dealt with. More than anything I wanted to help them, just speak a word of encouragement to them in some way, shape, or form. Every time I opened my mouth no words came out, and every time I tried to show them I cared, my feet wouldn’t move. Before I could do or say anything, they had all disappeared behind me into the darkness without a word.
Helpless is what I felt, and as I hid my face and closed my eyes, I tried desperately not to cry.
As I reopened my eyes I found myself in a completely different place, a city in the shadow of a dark mountain range. Dark men were invading this once beautiful city and fires burned houses to the ground. I looked about me and saw muddy faces of women and children running for safety, but there was none.
The city was breached and ruined, and smoke and ashes littered the ground. I turned this way and that, trying to look for shelter, for a direction to run, but as the siege went on around me, I went on unnoticed.
A scream reared up and I quickly turned to see a terrified boy slip and fall to the ground with a soldier on his tail. He got up again and his muddy face full of fear as he darted this way and that. Suddenly he stopped, right in front of me and he peered at me with a look of pain. Tears came to his eyes and he screamed to me, but I could do nothing but stand there wide eyed and terrified.
My mind flashed with memories, and as it all faded, the tears came like a rush. I couldn’t stop crying and screaming, the pain that had reared through my head. I pressed my fingers to my temples to help calm the pain, but whatever I did it wouldn’t go away. I dropped to my knees and settled myself slowly, but it seemed like forever before I had the courage to open my eyes again.
Expecting the same scene in front of me I cracked my eyes open, only to find myself in the middle of a vast hall.
The hall was warm and well lit, and scarlet hung from the windows in neat fashions. A large door stood to my back and all that I could do was walk forward. I stepped forward silently, trying hard to go unnoticed. As far as I could tell, the hall was deserted, other than a lone figure that stood at a small wooden desk at the near corner of the room. He was writing on a piece of parchment, slow even strokes, with his left hand. His face was wrinkled like an old man, but his build was strong, and he wore a brown and scarlet tunic with black pants.
He made no gesture that showed he knew I was here, so I quietly slipped past him and made my way to the throne, or at least I assumed it was, on the far side of the hall. I took one step, then another, and another until I was almost at the foot of the throne. As it came clearer I saw that it was indeed a golden throne with a bright red ruby inlayed at the top.
Just as I looked to who sat upon it, a shiver of fear went down my spine and I stopped, clenching my fists and holding my breath. His hair was as black as death, and his eyes pierced all the way to my heart. His hands grasped on the armrests and his knuckles were white, showing he was nervous. I couldn’t tell if he could see me, but the minute his eyes fixed on mine, I knew he could see me, inside and out.
His look was firstly one of curiosity, and he scanned me from head to toe, but that curiosity was quickly changed to anger. He threw off his black cloak and drew a long blade, he stepped toward me, and I stepped back. He paused for a second, then came at me a second time, but faster this time. His face red with anger, and eyes black as the ocean he sliced his sword at me, missing, but barely. I cowered, closing my eyes and hiding my face. I felt nothing, so I opened my eyes, and all I saw was a glint of silver and the flash of his sword, and after that, black.
~
I woke up from the dreams with a short shriek. Sweat covered my chest and I shivered and pulled my crude blanket back over me. I sighed deeply and calmed myself. I looked about my surroundings. Yes, I’m in my house, I told myself and yes I’m not dead. Well, that was an extreme relief. I sighed again and stood up, wiping the sweat from my face and hands. I splashed some cold water on my face and chest and pulled a worn tunic over my bare skin. I switched my sleeping shorts with some warmer wool pants and stepped out into the morning air.
I was tired and the sun had not yet risen, so it was clearly before 3:00 in the morning. I yawned, and stretched my arms above my head. It was true, I needed somewhere to think, for mother would be up in two hours and work would come with the sunrise. I wanted to be alone more than anything right now, and I knew just the place.
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Star Re: An untitled story

Post by fireflare77 on Fri Apr 11, 2008 11:48 pm

As usual, it was raining. Tarsonir is known as the rainy city, it rained day and night. It made things rather dreary around the here, but it defiantly added to its beauty.
It was a steep climb up the hill in which an old burnt out farm house stood, and I was out of breath when I reached the top. I sat down under a young maple tree that stood near the house. It was early fall, and the leaves were just beginning to turn bright orange and yellow.
I twiddled a blade of grass between my fingers and thought to myself, what did it mean? That seemed to be the question that lingered in my mind, and no matter what else I thought it all came back to that question. “Do you think that I will ever know?” I asked myself, but at the same time I asked the tree. The wind drove its breath through the branches of the tree, and they waved back and forth as if to reply. I looked at it, this tree that I loved and talked too. So many secrets I had told it, but I knew that I was the only one that could keep my secrets safe. Man failed in their efforts to protect the secrets of others, but trees and animals, they listened, and never spoke.
I sat there in silence, for I don’t know how long, listening to the wind flow through the tree in rhythmic sounds.
Finally, I turned to face the rising sun, and the very sight of it took my breath away. I stood only to see a small head poke out from the edge of the hill. “Jude!” I screamed at him half laughing to myself. He stood up from his hiding place and ran to me with a wide smile spread across his face. I hugged him softly and whispered in his ear, “Why are you here?” The eight year old starred at me wide eyed and giggled whispering back to me, “Mom sent me.”
Of course my mother had sent him; she needed me to watch over Jude and Desorae while she went to work. I sighed and looked down at him with a brotherly smile, then grabbed his hand and began to walk down the hill. My time alone was over, and now the work began.

Chapter 2: My life
It was over a half an hour before Jude and I made our way through the crooked fence that led to our one room apartment. Our feet splashed through the mud as we passed through the old garden that stood near the front of the building. As we passed by, purple and white flowers poked their little faces through the morning earth and gleamed as the rain showered upon them. I stopped, picked a bright yellow flower from its place, and stuck it in my pocket.
I trudged up the wooden steps and entered into the house quietly, hoping that mother had already left. It was dark inside and no noise lingered in the air. The moment I took a step in, relief washed over me. Mother had already left for work; therefore I wouldn’t be scolded for sneaking out. “Desorae!” I called out. Her little face appeared from her mat on the floor and she stood up with a bright expression on her face.
I pulled the yellow flower from my pocket and handed it to her with a little hug. She smiled at me and held the little flower in her hand. “Thank you, Armeth.” She said quietly in my ear. “Tethmere, your welcome,” I whispered back. Seldom did I use the words my mother used for “thank you”, “your welcome”, and “danger” and I didn’t even know where they originated, but whenever I used them, they reminded me of her, and I liked that.
I picked the four year old up from the ground and lifted her onto my back. “Let’s go and get something to eat,” I said as I turned around and walked to the door, and before I stepped back out into the rain I added, “You coming, Jude?”
~
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Star Re: An untitled story

Post by fireflare77 on Fri Apr 11, 2008 11:50 pm

It had finally stopped raining by the time we made it to the open air market. Hardly ever did mother shop anywhere other than the market, for you could get much better deals here than in the shops at the center of town. The streets were still wet and water still hung in the air as we made our way to the near side of the market. I searched through the different shops looking for the right one, but my hunger was great so I searched all the more quickly.
As I pushed through the crowd pulling Jude close to me careful not to loose him, I spotted the shop I wanted on the far side of the market. I pushed my way through as best I could, and Desorae began to whimper quietly to herself. I knew she was hungry, and the heat and pushing and shoving didn’t make it any better. I finally forced my way through and walked up to the shop with the sign that read, “Bread and Cheese sold here”.
~
Business was busy as usual and the fat baker was rushing to and fro baking bread and selling cheese, but his attention turned directly to the boy and his two younger siblings as they made their way to his corner shop. He smiled as he recognized them as Armeth, Jude, and Desorae, who had obviously come to by bread for breakfast. The boy was no older than 13 and his long light brown hair that lay flat on his head and pale blue eyes shown as he led his brother to the counter.
“Ahh, Armeth, what can I get for you this fine, but rainy, morning?” He asked gingerly. Armeth looked up in surprise only to see his dear friend and replied in a firm, but tender voice, “I would like a loaf of wheat and oat bread please.” The baker was surprised, for usually Armeth ordered a plain loaf of white bread. “You decide to change things up a bit?” He asked.
“Ya, well, the white bread was getting rather boring.” Armeth smiled and handed him a copper coin and took the loaf from the man, and with that, him along with his brother and sister disappeared into the crowd.
The baker thought about the boy and his brother and sister, and the more he thought about it, the more he realized that he hardly knew anything about them. His mother, sister, brother, and he had showed up a couple of years ago, and his mother had been a widow, but no one knew anything about his father. He did know that they had lived in Tarsonir their whole lives, but they moved frequently and had lived all over the city.
Armeth seldom talked about his previous life, as if he had something to hide, or something he was afraid of. The baker muttered to himself, “Odd, very odd,” and quickly returned to his work.
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Star Re: An untitled story

Post by fireflare77 on Fri Apr 11, 2008 11:52 pm

Desorae and Jude hastily ate their food, but I took a bite of my piece and put in my tunic pocket for later. I had things to do at home so I picked up Desorae and grabbed Jude’s hand and led them from their spot on the ground.
It was only a mile or so to our apartment from where we had stopped to eat, and it took only a matter of minutes to get there. I left Jude and Desorae outside of the house to play in the garden while I went inside. I lit a candle and pulled the blinds back, and that seemed to make the room look much nicer than it did when it was dark and gloomy. I picked up my clothes that lay on the floor, and placed them in the dresser that my family and I shared.
I sat down again and thought.
The baker was practically the only friend I had, other than my siblings, and I didn’t even know his real name. Of course I knew practically every person in Tarsonir, but it wasn’t enough to know their names, or where they lived, I wanted to know them personally. The first dream I had flashed into my mind. Those people were hurting, and yet no one knew it, and that bothered me.
I usually stayed clear of the other boys, but that was because I was afraid of them, or more what they would think of me. I knew the others boys, but I wasn’t really friends with them. Maybe it was because I was afraid of my past, or maybe my future, I didn’t really know. I lay on my mat and blew the hair out of my face. All I wanted to do was sleep, and even though I knew I would get in trouble for dozing, I drifted into a dreamless sleep.
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Star Re: An untitled story

Post by Dictator For Life on Sat Apr 12, 2008 8:25 pm

I didn't read the next chapters I only read the prologue because something bothered me about it that made me not want to read the rest of the story.

The prologue had excellent writing and wording with a great sense of mystery and I was interested until I heard the word... sword. Medieval stories are not my thing. That is why I didn't read the other chapters.

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Star Re: An untitled story

Post by fireflare77 on Sat Apr 12, 2008 8:29 pm

*glares* Try it before you knock it.
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Star Re: An untitled story

Post by Dictator For Life on Sun Apr 13, 2008 4:39 am

I prefer "knock it before you try it". Evil Laugh

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Star Re: An untitled story

Post by Dr. B on Mon Apr 14, 2008 12:37 am

I didn't bother to read the story. Crappy Emo storys just aren't me. I prefer up-beat storys about 2 ton chimpmunks.
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Star Re: An untitled story

Post by NiKkE on Mon Apr 14, 2008 2:55 am

ya! go brandon!~ lol! Wave
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Star Re: An untitled story

Post by fireflare77 on Tue Apr 15, 2008 11:27 pm

LeAnn, can you please... ammend this situation?
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Star Re: An untitled story

Post by sparky12 on Tue Apr 15, 2008 11:28 pm

Do you want me to delete the topic? 'Cause clearly, this thread's going nowhere. And anyway, it's not my fault that we have rednecks like Brandon on the site.
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Star Re: An untitled story

Post by fireflare77 on Tue Apr 15, 2008 11:28 pm

No, I'm just asking for you to delete like 3 or 4 posts here.
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Star Re: An untitled story

Post by Dictator For Life on Fri May 16, 2008 3:36 pm

Spencer's a whiner baby who wants posts deleted when there not complimenting him. Well I've got news for ya. THIS IS MY SITE AND WHAT I SAYS GOES!!!

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